The Woman You Left Behind.

I was 18 that year and at September, you decided to break up with me and 'remain friends and maybe start over again'. It's stupid, I know. But it was my first relationship and I agreed to it. And by Christmas, I realised I couldn't do it again and decided to not see you ever again.

I then realised a year later that you found another girl during the period of time when you continued to give me hopes and go out with me, you bastard. And that girl was attached. Somehow you thought you had the ability to snatch her away from her boyfriend so you tried and you failed. Asshole. You then switched your target back to me cos you realised you've lost her and you're losing me too.

I was a very outgoing girl, one who's also honest and straightforward. I'd say whatever that is on my mind regardless it being hurting to others or not. I express myself well, verbally and through music. I was that girl who laughed genuinely at almost every single thing and was really happy. But after we got together, I changed. My life changed.

I became quiet and depressed most of the time. I missed school frequently due to all the late night crying. I couldn't sleep well. I wake up with nightmares and crying really badly. I find myself stoning all the time when I was out. I couldn't eat well. My weight was at a ridiculously dangerous point of 38kg. I look zombie-fied all the time. Most of the days I woke up with puffy eyes. I couldn't express myself well. Nobody understood me when I try to explain why I'm so depressed. Slowly, people start to get fed up with me. Some scolded me for being so negative. Some isolated me. And things got worse from there. This was when I was still with you.

The night you broke up with me I was devastated. I cried so loudly and long that my mum was scared that my body couldn't take it. My mum forced me to take some panadol pills and go to sleep. For a week, I couldn't function well. And most nights I just stare at the ceiling, wondering why did you leave me. I continued crying and crying and one day, I went to the refrigerator, took a box of pills and swallowed a bunch of them. My mum found me half awake. She shouted for my dad and I was sent to the hospital.

After that from a social worker I found out that I had depression. I didn't follow up with therapy sessions of any sort. Just went back to the hospital for one check and that's all.

Now, I still have depression. It is much better than that 3 years ago. But at times I still get really upset all of a sudden. I'm happier now, I don't deny. Leaving you out of my life was a good choice. But no, I am unable to forget nor forgive what you've done to me. And this is the woman you left behind. (Inspired by the Thought Catalog)